Wednesday, November 20, 2013

sick day

I happen to be sick today and have found myself alone cuddled under a blanket with kitties on either side. I'm not puky sick where I have to live by the toilet but my body is all achy, in particular my stomach, and my appetite has all but disappeared. When my mind feels okay but my body does not, what is one supposed to do?  Sleep and watch a lot of 30 Rock. And blog, I suppose.

As a side note, there's this strange thing about being a female with nausea because every time I have to call in sick to work or tell anyone about said illness, I wonder if there's an underlying question raised by the other person that perhaps I am pregnant. Is anyone really thinking this when I tell them? Who knows, but I always have to swallow the urge to blurt out it's just nausea, not morning sickness. Not that it's really anyone's business whether I am or not. It's silly, I know.

Anyway, one of my couchside companions is a little pipsqueak named Harley.


Jason saw on the news that the Iowa Rescue League was in need of foster parents, and well, one thing led to another and we now have a sassy little kitten in our home. Of course we are totally attached to her but realize that she will definitely put us over the quota of cats needed to be crazy cat people so we cannot keep her. Alright, so our reasons are a little more practical than that but I would be lying if that wasn't in the back of my mind. ;)

The Rescue League found her on the street so she's our little urban princess. The first few days she was terrified of us and her ears seemed to be permanently horizontal but truly, she warmed up to us surprisingly fast. She's losing her purr now but at first she purred in constant streams for hours on end like a motorcycle engine. Thus the name.

Obviously our other cats weren't thrilled at first but they are all mostly friends now and will chase each other around the house in good fun. She is cuddly and sweet and spunky and we're surely going to miss her when we take her back. But we also know she'll make another family very, very happy.

Even though it sucks being sick today, I've enjoyed being at home to see Jason's routine. He usually studies from home unless he has a required class (The rest of his classes record the lectures so he skips class and listens to them online at double speed. Such is the life of a time-crunched med student). Jason generally sleeps in later than I do as I have to get to work on time. He rolls out of bed, gets a warm drink, and sips it while watching the morning news. He then digs into studying - listening to lectures, making study guides, and reviewing reviewing reviewing. At 11:30 he turns on PBS and watches whatever painting show is on. He can discuss with you all of the merits and weaknesses of each painter. Bob Ross was the one who first got him interested in painting, but Yarnell, with his variety and style, is what got Jason really hooked. The lady painter is just "okay", and he misses the other guy who would always paint outdoors or old, renovated cars.

Jason has somewhat the freedom of one who works freelance. What I admire about him is that yes, he studies all day, every day, but he also recognizes how nice it is to have this flexible schedule where he can go grocery shopping or work on his car at 10:00 in the morning. This is a brief piece of his life where he gets to decide what the schedule of his day is. Soon it will only be a memory when he is working endless shifts at the hospital. So when asked about his current lifestyle, he will tell you he's living the dream.

To be honest, it's been a rough week or so. Jason has a lot of intense classes this semester and lately it has taken its toll on us (mostly me). Sometimes I forget what Jason looks like without notes in his hand or headphones and a computer in his lap. Sometimes I crave a weekend where it can be just the two of us. Jason hasn't taken a weekend off in a long, long time. I'm grateful to have friends and other projects to fill the spare time, but by golly I just really want my husband sometimes.

It's so, so easy to go down that path of self-pity. I have so much good in my life and so much to be thankful for, but the human side of me starts to compare and envy and pine for something different. How do I be content with the current amount of time I get with my husband and still work to grow and improve our relationship without growing bitter or distant? How do I know when to ask for more and when to accept life as it is? Folks, I have no idea.

So, in spirit of Thanksgiving and my past week, I am thankful for my Savior who promises constant companionship. Who promises that nothing else in life will satisfy me unless I am recognizing him as King and Lord, and yet still loves me when I fail at doing this. I'm thankful for a husband who listens and learns, and I'm thankful for this hard but completely sweet life we have together.

And this is apparently my sick but therapeutic blog post. The end.

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