It’s been quite a while since I blogged and now that I’m writing this, I feel a little silly. There’s something quite silly in general about writing a blog, but as silly (yes I just said silly too many silly times) as it sounds, I wrote a love letter to Jason for Valentine’s day and I realized how much I miss writing, so. Here I am.
Partly why I have been neglecting my little corner of the internet is because I have other outlets for creativity (mainly, my work and well, instagram) and I didn’t have the time nor the desire to blog. One of my jobs, which is temporary, will be ending soon so it feels like the perfect time to reunite, my dear blog and I.
I do realize though that I need to reflect and put down my experiences somewhere; otherwise they float around in my head for a while and then slowly disappear. Lessons seem to stick better after a healthy dose of reflection. I’m making a 2012 memory book now and have enjoyed going through my blog and remembering the good and bad of that year. Blogging does take some work and time, but I do appreciate it in the end.
I’ve been growing a lot during my stay in Des Moines. It seems as though my time at ASU was a time to discover myself, but this move has been all about throwing myself in completely unfamiliar territory and putting all my college self-discovery to the test.
I had gotten comfortable with my life in Arizona, but that comfort has been thrown off. Sometimes life feels like this cycle of a new phase of discomfort followed by gradual re-orientation and newfound comfort, only to be started over when a new phase of discomfort strikes. There have been many days where I feel an itch beneath my skin… this unfamiliarity with my new life and this new person I have become. Of course I am still Emily, because whatever decision I make I will still be my own self, but this self is slightly different. This self is a little less sure of herself, a little more doubtful and timid. My future feels like a garment of clothing that’s a few sizes too big and I am still growing to fit into it but in the meantime it’s baggy and rubs against me in ways I’m not used to.
I’m on this path of soul-searching and trying to figure out my place in this world. I long to know more, but I’m also reminded that the less I know, the more I trust. My God is master of the entire universe, and yet his love for me is all-consuming and complete. I know He will lead me through the darkness and unfamiliarity with his steady hand, one step at a time.