Wednesday, March 28, 2012

"The One"

I overheard a couple girls talking about “the one.” One of the girls was saying how she didn’t think her friend’s current boyfriend was “the one” so why waste time with him? They kept talking and then the other said something to the effect of, "but who knows, 10 years down the road even the one might not be the one anymore." It made me kind of sad to hear that, but it did get me thinking.

One of the things our pastor told us in pre-marital counseling was that once you marry someone, they are “the one” for life. When Jason and I got married, we didn’t commit to life together--until we fall out love. We committed to working to stay in love for the rest of our lives.

I’ve noticed that sometimes it’s easy to get comfortable. Easy to forget to tell him I love him, easy to stop greeting him with my full attention when he comes home, easy to not go out of my way to be kind and loving, easy to get angry and/or bitter over something silly.

That’s where the working part comes in. I want to make a serious effort to love Jason. To try to think of new ways to show him that I love him, to take the time out of my day to serve him, to compliment him and appreciate him, and to focus on his positive traits when I’m thinking about him (maybe it’s just me, but as a woman I think it’s easy to let the bad thoughts fester).

Even though Jason is my best friend, it’s not always a walk in the park. Sometimes he drives me crazy, and even more often, I drive him crazy. Sometimes we don’t agree on the little things, and sometimes we don’t agree on the big things. Sometimes we argue and my heart aches for days. The worst, sometimes we argue about arguing (please tell me someone else has been there!). But because we made the commitment, we work through our problems and grow closer together because of it.

I want to be a passionate wife, not a passive one. I don’t want to focus so much on myself that one day I realize I don’t even know my own husband. That breaks my heart each time I hear or read about a couple like that. “We grew apart” or “we fell out of love” are such sad and irresponsible rationales. Can I say that? I know that’s a bold statement, but I think if you grew apart you weren’t spending enough time on the relationship.

I’m so, so very grateful God gave me this man as my husband. When Jason sacrificially loves me, it’s a beautiful reflection of the love Christ has for me. I feel so lucky to have that picture of Christ’s love, and His is so much bigger than any earthly love! It’s so humbling when I am being mean and ugly and Jason still loves me. And then I am reminded that Christ still loves me too, so much so that he died the most painful of deathes for my mean and ugly sins. No greater love than this.

This has turned into a much longer blog than I had planned but I just wanted to share some thoughts I have on marriage and commitment. These are my own thoughts, so it’s okay if you disagree. I'm by no means a marriage expert, and I'm still learning and making mistakes. Thankfully, I get to learn and grow alongside my very best friend.


  1. Wow. I totally love this. I agree 100 percent. It makes me sad when girls talk like that too. "The One" talk can lead to irrational thinking. Say you don't marry "the one". Now you've married the wrong person and they've married the wrong person, and you've messed everything up. It's not so dependent on the people being perfect for each other, as God perfecting the marriage. The marriage itself is more important! I'm totally with you on the "we grew apart" thing!

    PS: I really love your blog already!

  2. I love this post. I've made a lot of mistakes in my 5 years of marriage (I'm basically an old pro now, right) but I've also learned that it takes effort every day. The best thing I ever realized is that when you put your spouses before yourself, they do the same for you. I'm glad I'm married to my best friend. "I want to be a passionate wife, not a passive one." --so great.

  3. So beautifully put, Em. I agree with, relate to, and love this post so much.